December 14th, 2008

Yep Onions.

You won't find many bloggeries about onions, buy yet you have found one. My wife fixed a lovely dinner that consisted of a product made by Old El Paso called Gordita Dinner Kit. It's great, I love it and we have this probably 2 times a month. You supply the lettuce, onion, cheese, meat and other goodies and they provide the spices and some other goodies as well.

You may have noticed the word Onion, small diced up chunks of a usually semi tame vegetable that can bite you severely if you pick the right one. This one onion, bit back strongly, yes indeed. Bit back, made my eyes water, made my nose run. Was one strong Mother.

My wife on the other hand sat there wandering what My problem was. She and I have a great difference in such matters. She can handle high intense heat from Chili's and such where I am totally unable to be anywhere near such matters.

I'll never for get this night when we went out for Mexican food. I had a great mild fish dinner and she had some burrito looking thing with sauce and meat and cheese. I had finished my dinner and watched as she stopped eating, with a nice chunk of her Burrito looking thing left on her plate. She wanted to know if I wanted a bite.

Now, all during the Dinner there was no clue as to how hot (Chili heat) her meal was. It should have melted the burrito, the plate, Most of my wife and half of the table should have been dissolved.

I took a small, tiny minute piece of meat and started chewing. Instantly, bells, whistles, and all other manner of alarms went off in my poor mouth. My eyes bugged out, followed shortly by a great flood of tears. My nose started running like a faucet. I started using my napkin like crazy, dabbing at different orifices in my face, wiping tears and other fluids.

My wife laughed.

"What's the matter, dear?"

Now came the drinking of what ever liquid was on the table. My glass emptied quickly followed by my wife's and I started wondering when the waitress would be back to refill our containers of Fluid. She finally showed up as I desperately ordered more Ice water and a huge Ice tea. 90% of that was downed and I ordered a refill again for both large glasses.

I finally was able to answer my wife.

"What's the Matter? Gee, I don't know." Swallow glug glug swallow glug

She asks ever so lovingly - "Was it Hot?"

"What ever was your first clue, dear?" Glug glug swallow glug

She laughed again and said ever so tenderly "I love you, you know that?"

I was wondering what in Gods name I was in for if she ever started to hate me.

December 2nd, 2008

With myself right now, which, as I post this is stupid because I know I 'm going to go through with it, so I ought to stop right now, but there is that delete button so It could actually go the other way, but it won't.

Again, I am so glad My wife doesn't read this blog.

A few years ago we got a Christmas tree stand that turns our tree. It works really neat because you also get to have lights on your tree.





So, she, being my wife, unboxed the stand and unbagged (She now stores the tree in 50 gallon trash bags, being a fake tree) the tree. She assembled the tree in the stand and said something under her breath. She then wondered aloud why the tree wasn't spinning. I glanced over and the tree stood its 7 feet tall in the stand, not moving. She then unstacked the tree and glared at the stand. She reassembled the tree, then removed the top two pats and just had the bottom part in, or at least what she thought was the bottom part. She then took the bottom part out and had me tell her which Part I though was the bottom. I told her and she reinserted it back into the stand.

I watched as the tree stood there, still, even though she is pushing buttons like crazy on the remote. Oh yeah, there is a remote control that controls the tree. One button for this cheesy Christmas music to come from the base, one to turn the lights on and off, and the top button that turns the motor on and of to turn the tree. Nothing. Nada. Cheesy Music, sure, so we got power to the stand. So I bring forth my technical expertise and start to disassemble what I can, which wasn't much. I found a fuse taped to the power cord and then found the housing for the Fuse. The fuse checked out fine. I reassembled what little I disassembled and gave her back the stand. She placed the bottom of the tree back into the stand and started pressing the bottom two buttons like crazy. The music came on and off and the tree didn't move.

Well, I noticed in the directions, that the top button on the remote was the button to get the tree to turn. I casually asked for the remote and gently pushed the top button, with her watching my every move. The tree started rotating.

"I thought the middle button was to get the tree moving."

"So you never pushed the top button?"

"Nope."

I love my wife to pieces. All that time and energy ...

November 25th, 2008

I am currently soaking Our Thanksgiving turkey in brine this year. Brine, at least this one, is a salty/sugary concoction that is supposed to improve the texture of the turkey and make for a plumper bird.

I took an Emeril Lagasse


recipe and added a few goodies and a little different technique. I have tried a chicken prior to this (soaking in Brine) and it worked out quite well. I'll pass along the process once I see if it works ok.

The 20 pound Turkey is presently in a Ice bath / Brine soak in an ice Chest. I'm glad My wife is willing to experiment with our food.

Our Turkey From Last Year.

November 24th, 2008

Ok, Maybe the tittle is a misleading, because My son doesn't wear women's clothes. At least I am fairly sure of this. I have never seen him cross dressing, so maybe in his own time ...

but I don't think so.

No, what this is reference too was my wife going into town and grabbing a burger. While she was there she saw something she wanted to tell me about when she got back home.

Her: It's a good thing our son didn't go with me to get a Hamburger.

Me: Why? I asked.

Her: Well, I was sitting there waiting for them to bring out the food (Carside Food delivery) and there was this guy with long brown hair, shoulder length and a mustache and a beard.

Me: OK.

Her pausing: And he was wearing a shirt.

Me, wondering why I was getting this in bits and pieces: OK

Her - another dramatic pause

Me: And ...

I am now imaging some one streaking my wife.

Her: And he was wearing pants.

Me: Good!

Her: And he had on high heels.

Me: Oh. High Heels.

Her: Spikey high heels and he was sashaying. She now did this crazy wavy motion with her hands.



I had a good laugh over her hands trying to simulate sashaying.

Me: Yeah, I suppose our son would have had something to say about that for sure.

There.

I didn't catch my son in a red dress or anything. Just my wife catching some brave soul in very Conservative Downtown Bakersfield wearing Very High heels and not hiding the fact. Something you don't see every day in these parts. We are not San Francisco.

(EDIT: Look, I tried to find an Image of a guy wearing high heels, but now I feel the need to take a shower - that and wash my eyes out.)

August 27th, 2008

I have to make this on the sly. I don't want my wife to find this as I work on it. I was kind of told unofficially that I wasn't to use her conversations on the Internet anymore since I posted about her furry dream a while back. Actually she spelled it out to me in no uncertain manner, But I choose to remember it as a soso chewing out

Just a few Minutes ago: Sound of a phone is ringing.

My wife: "Is that you son?"

Son, Layed out on the couch, watching TV under the swampcooler. "What?"

Wife: "Is that your Phone ringing?"

Son: "That's on the TV."

Wife: "It sounded like it was in the living room."

Me: "Where do you think we have the TV at?" (It's in the Living Room.)

Wife: "But It sounded like the phone was ringing right there, not on the TV."




Me: "Oh, I remember when My wife was sane."

Wife: "It didn't sound like it was on the TV."

Son: "It didn't even sound like my phone."

Me: "Actually, we moved the TV into the Bedroom."

Wife: "Oh, Shut Up."

August 23rd, 2008

Part of this is an inside Blogging thingy so if you don't blog, you may not understand.

I have for a while routinely been checking and posting at E-Card Forum. I have been using E-card for a while now and it has worked out quite well for me. I suggest you give it a try, if your not already doing so.

Anyway, I had Buzzed a blog post yesterday (this is the part you may not get if your not a hip blogger such as my self - yeah right.) Buzz is a thingy that Yahoo has going on that allows for post from blogs or websites to be rated sort of and allowed to rise to the top of the heap and may get to the front page of Yahoo. Yahoo!

So I checked in on the E-card Forum and here is ê¿ê (yes that is her is signature) and she is thanking me for buzzing her.

The conversation goes something like this:

ê¿ê : "Beamer buzzed my post! He's my new huny!

That was my very first buzz (just succumbed to adding the tacky button today)

Thanks, Beamer!

ê¿ê

(oops! just noticed I'm logged in on one of the other blogs -- it wasn't this blog that he buzzed but the OTHER one -- you know which one!)"

fragileheart.com | journal :"lol Margaret; sure work my memory why don't you!
Congrats on the buzz!"

Wisdom Hypnosis : "Beamer Buzzes?"

Superficial Gallery : "wtf is a buzz?"

No Democrats : "What in the H are you talking about any how ?"

(See Your not the only one that isn't a hip blogger.)

ê¿ê "Ok -- go read the EntreCard Blog 0--- or look down in community for a Graham post about changing blogging blah blah -- Yahoo! Buzz is the new Digg.

I just put the ugly button on my site (not this one I know I'm still logged in as the Reader) and he was the first one to buzz a post.

Sorry if I got carried away, but it's my first, you see.....

ê¿ê

ô¿ô"

(I am basically Laughing out loud by now.)

Wisdom Hypnosis : "OK, you convinced me, I got a buzz!"

She Lives : "A good buzz sounds pretty good about now."

Beamer : "Rotfl

Thanks I needed that.

Yes, I am a part Time Bee.

too Funny.

Beamer"

So here I am literally laughing out loud and my wife is making an appearance, trying unsuccessfully to wake up.

Me: "Hello."
In between guffaws of laughter.

Wife : "Whut's so funny?"

Me, pointing at the monitor, trying to gain some kind of control: "It's a bloggin' thing."

Wife :"Ok."

Me: "Good Morning."

Wife : "Harumph."

Me : "What?"

Wife: "I love the way My brain works."


She went on to tell me how she had heard Chrissy Meowing in her sleep. So, instead of waking up to see what it was the cat wanted, she dreamy of a Guinea pig nuzzling her. When she awoke in her dream, there were all kinds of small furry animals in bed with her, jumping on her, Gerbils, hamsters and such. She awoke for reals to find Chrissy standing on her chest, meowing at her.


Damn, Now I'm In trouble. She has awaken enough to realize I am posting about her waking up and telling me this stuff.

Hep me.

July 25th, 2008

My wife has become a big fan of Hulu - (www.hulu.com) - ever since I sent her a link in an email message a few weeks back. She has gotten to where she will regularly report to me what is going on in Hulu and what new things are being added to the multi media site.

I was having a hard time waking up this morning and My wife had Molly Cyrus blasting on the TV. Molly was the guest singer on the Today show this morning and a whole bunch of her young, enthusiastic, fans were trying to keep up with the song being sung, mouthing the words and singing along.

Me: "It's too early for Molly Cyrus."

Wife: "Oh, you know who she is? I guess she has been on everything lately."

Me: "Yes and she's one of the richest kids under eighteen. I think she's only fifteen."

Right then Al Rocker told Molly she's only fifteen and how does she do all the things she does at that age. Her fans screamed loudly as Molly Tried to answer Al.

Right then also, my wife decide to update me with the latest goings on at Hulu.

Wife: "They are showing five nature films on Hulu. Farts, The Serengeti and ..."

Trying to be heard over Al and Molly and screaming fans - Me: "Farts?"

A long Pause.

Wife: "Sharks!"

Me - "Oh. I thought maybe they would show different animals as they passed Gas. Elks, zebra and lions and then goats, cows, and buffalo. Then of course, the rare Chicken Fart. Watch as we sneak up on the rear of this White plumed chicken as she cuts loose right for our cameras."

Wife walking by, shaking her head. "No Dear, Sharks."

Me: "I was thinking it would be hard to do a full film on such a subject. Maybe just an hour long documentary on Farting animals. That would probably work."